


Somewhere Down The Memory Lane

by Nisaki



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Amnesia, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Smut, Temporary Amnesia, for a friend's birthday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-05
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 12:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10099904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nisaki/pseuds/Nisaki
Summary: When he wakes up, he has no recognition of his surroundings, he only knows what the beautiful boy tells him.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miyukiki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miyukiki/gifts).



> Miyukiki! my beautiful angel, my friend <3 This a very late gift for your birthday! presented with all the love I have for you, and damn but there's a lot of it. You, my friend, are one of the reasons Black Butler fandom is still my favourite place to be in. Thank you for being born, I can't think of a better reason to celebrate a day <3

 

When he opens his eyes, two things fully register; first, he has no idea who or where he is and second, the boy standing by his bed is gorgeous.

Pale porcelain skin, candy pink lips and blue, blue eye. Silky strands of shiny locks that are the colour of ashes. The fire of the candles casting shadows on the soft lines of his face, bathed in light he looks out of an old fairytale, something almost angelic, holy; something to be worshiped.

He blinks as boy's expression morphs into a scowl that feels ridiculously familiar, considering how he doesn't know anything at the moment, and he thinks that the boy is too small to be projecting an aura this angry.

He's pretty sure he's supposed to feel intimidated, instead, a wave of amused affection fills him up and his lips curl up in a smile; the little man reminds him of a feisty kitten, and something's telling him he likes cats.

''Care to explain what's this all about, Sebastian?'' The boy huffs.

Sebastian?

''Is that my name?'' He doesn't mean to further anger the beautiful angel by his bedside, but it seems that that's exactly what his question did as the boy's scowl deepens and his lone blue eye darkens.

''Is that you trying for humour? Because I'm not laughing, Sebastian.'' 

Okay, so the kid has a temper, and his name, mostly, is Sebastian. For some reason he thinks it sounds like a dog's name and the thought does not sit well with him.

''Alright, so I'm Sebastian, and you are?'' He doesn't understand the look of pure panic that passes over the boy's face, and he really wants to make it better but he doesn't know _how_. He stares at the lad and waits, soon enough the panic turns into rage and the boy's hand connects with his cheek. He did not see that coming.

''Sebastian cut it out, _this is an order_ ,'' And who the hell does the boy think he is, exactly? Sebastian doesn't feel like being ordered around by a brat with anger management issues.

He should give the boy a piece of his mind but he holds back, because he' a reasonable adult and he's not about to lose his cool over this ill-behaved lad.

The door bursts open before he can make any sound, however, and three over enthusiastic servants jump into his bed, all over him, and the blond kid is crying, the maid's knee is in his guts and the ash from the stupid chief's cigarette is falling in his eye.

''Oh thank God! Mr. Sebastian, I was so worried,'' He's about to snap, maybe he isn't a patient man, he doesn't remember.

'' _Out_! All three of you, out. Now,'' The boy barks, tone oozing haughtiness, and just like that all the three idiots get up and shout _Yes my lord_ before disappearing out of the door like they were never in to begin with. _Huh_.

''So..'' The boy starts, suddenly unsure of himself, even when he's sitting with his right leg over the left like he's the king of England, ''You...You don't know me?''

There's more to that question than your usual concern or anger, a tad bit of disappointment and hefty dose of terror and somewhere under it all; hurt. He isn't ready to deal with this amount of emotions just yet. His head is starting to throb and he has no idea who the boy is. He hasn't an idea who _he_ is, so that's the least of his problems.

''I feel like I should know,'' He replies, deciding to be honest and tell it how it is, he has no reason to lie.

The boy nods, then settles down for long moments, face blank and eye unblinking. He forsakes his chair to sit beside Sebastian on the bed, his eye narrowing as he scrutinizes Sebastian. It makes Sebastian uncomfortable, like he's being judged. The boy cups his cheek and Sebastian flinches, half expecting another slap, but he gets a gentle thump rubbing over the previously stung area.

''You're my butler,'' The boy informs, voice not unkind but not gentle either, ''I'm earl Ciel Phantomhive,'' He removes his hand from Sebastian's face and he misses the warmth of Ciel's gloved fingers instantly. Ciel takes his eye patch off.

His other eye is lavender, and it has a sigil drawn onto the iris, Sebastian finds himself the one cupping Ciel's face this time, and the boy lets him. He pushes Ciel's hair back and examines his eye.

''It's very beautiful,'' He whispers, reverently, and Ciel's breath hitches. Maybe he wasn't meant to say that to this boy, this small, gorgeous doll. His master.

He pulls his hands and looks at his master expectantly. Ciel sighs and slumps his shoulders.

''You're a demon and this is the mark of our contract,'' He's talking a little fast now, and that air of control and rage is dissolving into another wave of panic, he franticly tugs at Sebastian's gloves, ''See?'' And sure as anything, there's a similar mark on the back of his hand, just when he was starting to think the boy is crazy. Well, he still thinks the boy is crazy, obviously. Maybe they're a part of some satanic cult or some other shit like that, he nods and plays along, the kid is steadily working himself up. He'll hyperventilate himself into oblivion soon enough, and when he wakes up again he'll realize how wild his story is and cut it with the fairytales, tell Sebastian the truth about the marks. Everything will be just fine.

 

 

   

He was wrong and, as turns out later, Ciel is very insistent on the demon thing; arguing with the vexing child is as fruitless as standing on the shore and asking the tide not to come in, he learns in the week after waking up with no memories that Ciel's way is the only way. Apart from Ciel making his life difficult on purpose, he got everything else, he discovered fast, that he's competent when it comes to butler duties, and even though the other servants are completely helpless, he's always able to fix it and get things done.

He gets by, and it's mostly fine.

He is fine, and it should be weird, he's not panicking over his state of amnesia, he's not once tried to remember. He knows in his core that the past him wanted this, that Sebastian on the other side of the memory lane had something he wanted to be rid of, he wanted a new start and he got it. And he feels light, not happy, but content. It feels like freedom.

He had his suspicions when he functioned for three weeks without  any need for sleep or food, but when someone attacks Ciel and he takes the bullet, _the bullets_ , to his head and chest and just spit them out like it's another Sunday, he believes Ciel and is honestly quite  freaked.

He'd felt them moving inside of his flesh, the missiles, going up as his organs obeyed his will and moved the metal pieces out of his body. That can't be normal.

He's a demon. He's there to do what Ciel wants in exchange for his soul.

His god damn _soul_.

 He's a monster who's just supposed to extinguish the most beautiful light there ever was, he's to kill Ciel.

It doesn't fit, but maybe that's why he doesn't want to remember.

Strange how he forgot all about himself and remembers everything that's insignificant about Ciel. He didn't know who Ciel is when he opened his eyes, but he knows his favourite tea, how he takes his bath and how fond he is of sweets.

He remembers the fire in his eyes when he's driven, the smirk on his face as he mocks someone. How even though so small he takes up so much space, his presence captivating and heavy and _powerful_.

He has pictures of Ciel in his mind, Ciel so small, covered in blood and full of dark vengeance, Ciel, angry and trembling shooting a man right in the heart. Ciel, serene and calm with breeze blowing through his hair, gazing up through his window.

Ciel asking him to stay.

He's positive that one is something he came up with, because Ciel won't ever sound like that, because that was not an order, it was a plea.

Ciel and he spend their days in relative peace, Ciel doesn't seem to mind that he's lost all of his past, so long as he does what he's got to do. Days come and go, and nothing changes in the manor. As much as he's not concerned about his literal memories, the reason why he's lost them intrigues him, and somehow, he keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop. There's something there under the surface, below his skin, an itch he can't seem to scratch; as if the memories he's locked in the back of his brain are pounding on the figurative door they're trapped behind. It's terrifying; because he knows in his core they will break through soon, the dam will collapse and his past will flood him. He can't help but feel like he's running out of time, like he invented his current self to do something the past him couldn't do. Problem is, he's not sure the new him is capable of it either.

 

 

At first it's no different, they go through the usual schedule, Sebastian bathes Ciel, dresses him for bed and tucks him in. But something isn't right, Ciel has been on edge the whole day, raw and vulnerable; to Sebastian, he looks more touchable than he ever looked before, and the idea that he's in the same realm with something as pure as Ciel, the fact that he can reach out and _touch_ , makes him jittery. Tonight is deceptive, lulling him with promises of things he shouldn't want, the curve of Ciel's body is inviting; weak, and they're closer than ever in this moment. Sebastian desires so bad he aches.

He swallows it down, and makes to leave, each step taking more effort than the previous one and he wants to give up, turn around and crawl into the bed with Ciel.

''Sebastian...'' There's a desperate edge to his name when whispered into the night like this, and only Ciel can put so much into a name, can make Sebastian feel so much just by calling to him.

''Do you want me to stay till you fall asleep?'' He hears a gasp from behind him, and then,

''You remember that...'' It's weak, accusatory as much as it's hopeful.

''I dreamt that,'' Sebastian answers.

''Forget it, just leave,''

He doesn't follow this order, he can't. All the effort he's put into walking away flies out the window, along with his sensible thinking, and he turns around and goes to Ciel. On his knees beside the bed. Talking to Ciel's back, to the tense line of his shoulders.

''Ciel,''

''No! Don't call me that!'' Ciel flips to face him, and he's not as angry as he's hurt and broken.

''Ciel,'' Sebastian repeats.

Tears gather in Ciel's eyes, clear blue turning stormy, and this time Sebastian sees it coming; he catches Ciel's small hand before it reaches his face, squeezing it in the air between them.

''You're my butler..A demon..'' Ciel sounds frustrated, like he's trying to hold back, and Sebastian had had enough of that.

It's with a shocking clarity and unwavering certainty that he knows, the reason why he willingly erased his own past; it's for this. He wants Ciel. So much that he threw all the years he's lived, centuries or millennia, perhaps. Just for one night.

''I'm not, I don't recall being either,'' Ciel stares at him, endless sadness in his eyes, ''I only remember wanting you,'' It's fascinating; the spectrum of emotions coloring Ciel's face, it's shock and doubt, and some hope now, '' Can I have you? Won't you allow us this?''

Hesitation passes over the delicate lines drawing Ciel, but the tension is seeping out of his body, and he slumps down.

''Sebastian,'' He says, and it's enough.

''That's all I want to be tonight, not a demon, not a butler. Just Sebastian, the man who loves you,'' Ciel's breath catches in his chest and one of the tears he's been stubbornly holding escapes, falls down on where their hands are still linked, ''Can you be just Ciel? The boy who loves me back?''     

His answer comes in the form of a kiss, Ciel leaning forward and crushing their lips together, there's no fineness in the movement of their tongues, only desperate, hungry sweeps. Sebastian moves up and onto the bed, pressing Ciel into the mattress with his kisses. It's frantic and urgent, their hands as it move against each other's skin.

Sebastian tries to slow down, to savour, this might be the one time he gets with Ciel and it shouldn't end quickly, but his body is not listening to him, and Ciel is almost as frenzied as he is. He rips Ciel's night gown and throws it to the floor, kisses along the delicate bone lines of Ciel's collar. Ciel tastes so sweet, so good it's unbelievable, and he's so responsive, moaning with every touch of lips, or fingers.

''Off,'' Ciel breathes, tugging on Sebastian's sleeve, ''Now, Sebastian.''

Sebastian can't help but smile, even like this, spread out naked and flushed under him, Ciel is a demanding little thing, he takes hold of those pink tempting lips that bark orders at him once more, twice, before he moves out of the bed. Ciel stares at him as he undresses, impatient and hungry, Sebastian gives a smirk and crawls back to the bed, looking down at Ciel.

He's staring but he can't control it, Ciel is more beautiful like this, smooth skin and soft curves, dusted with a lovely hue of rose. His nipples pink and tight, inviting. Ciel huffs and pulls him down into another breath stealing kiss, they break away with a wet sound and Ciel doesn't waste time, his small fingers trailing an imaginary line on Sebastian chest, on his belly and down to cup his erect cock. He groans at the touch, going impossibly harder under Ciel's hand, and the little earl grins smugly at him.

He kisses the smile off of the haughty, round face, licking inside Ciel's mouth and sucking on his bottom lip, it's a sin to taste this good, honey and chocolate. Ciel's smell is like a potent drug, goes right to the brain and makes Sebastian crazy with want. He maps Ciel's skin out, nipping and licking, committing to memory every patch that makes Ciel's voice goes a notch higher, the places that drives him mad and have him writhing.  He suckles on Ciel's nipples, eliciting a high pitched sound from him, he pinches the other one between his fingers, then licks his way to Ciel's groin.

He gives the flushed cock a long lick, from the base to the tip, and Ciel arches his back and whimpers, Sebastian moves his tongue farther down, nipping gently on the boy's full balls, when he reaches his final destination, swaps his greedy tongue against Ciel's hole, he groans. Ciel's smell is stronger here, and Sebastian loses his patience, he attacks the pink hole with his mouth, sucking and lapping at it, his hands holding Ciel's delicious ass open as he eats him out, drools on his rim. He inserts his first finger, Ciel  moans loudly at the intrusion, rocking down into Sebastian's face and hand.

''Please, please, Sebastian!'' Ciel begs so pretty it raises a sadistic need in Sebastian, he wants to tease him more, make him lose his mind, he can't get enough of the desperate chant of his name. But he, too, is eager, so he pulls his fingers -three of them- out of Ciel and gets up, brings the oil he added to Ciel's bathtub with him.

''Sebastian, hurry!'' Ciel whines, and who's Sebastian to refuse? He pours the oil on his length, and without waiting a second longer, he lines up with Ciel's entrance.

They look at each other, both panting, and Ciel loops his arms around Sebastian's neck, lifts himself up and brushes his lips on both his butler's cheeks, nuzzles his throat. Sebastian turns his head and catches Ciel's mouth in a tender kiss as he starts to breech him.

It's so tight, and hot, and he doesn't stop pushing till he bottoms out, the sounds Ciel makes get lost in their kiss. He stills, gives Ciel time to adjust, and the boy bites on his lower lip, asking him to move without words.

It's blur of moans and groans, the sound of skin slapping on skin obscene. Bodies sliding against each other, sweat silk and burning. The heat mounts till neither can take it and they come almost together. Ciel painting his own stomach white as Sebastian's release seeps out of him and onto his thigh. Later, Sebastian thinks, he would spend hours worshiping those marble white thighs, he'll bite and suck marks and bruises, and he'll take Ciel apart oh so slow and gentle. Later, he'll go slow later.

Right now though, the night is still young and he _wants._ He flips Ciel into his stomach and they go again. And again, Ciel begging for more even when he can barely open his eyes. Something about the passion between them, makes it feel like the last time, Sebastian knows Ciel can feel it too, the finality of their love making.

He'll remember when he wakes up, he's going to be a demon and a butler again, and he doesn't know how the past him will deal with this, how Ciel would deal with it, but he trusts him. Ciel knows him, Ciel will be alright, even when the light shines and he regains his inhibitions, he will still love Ciel.

He holds Ciel as tight as he could, presses adoring kisses into his hair as Ciel slips into slumber.

''Ciel?''

''mmmmm..Sebastian, what?'' He sounds adorable, voice thickened with sleep, and eyes hazy.

''I love you,'' He pushes them closer and kisses Ciel before he answers, then he says ''I always did, Ciel. Please don't let me change this, I may be an asshole when I remember but don't give up on me,''

It's Ciel who kisses him to silence this time, the curve of a smile against Sebastian's lips is a promise

  _It's okay, I won't let go_. 

 

-End

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has been running in my mind for ages , and what's more perfect opportunity and motivation than a friend's birthday? I feel like I didn't do the characterization justice, but I like how this turned out anyway. Feedback is much appreciated.


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